I've been pushing the posts, so its time for a little humor. I'll be at the Wisconsin INETA Meeting tonight listening to the lower cased one babble on about "blah blah blah Tablet, blah blah blah Speech". If you are near Milwaukee and are a .Net guy or gal, go to this.
Insert your favorite profession into this one
A man walks into an attorney's office. He sits down and states "Before we get started, would you kindly tell me your billing rates?" The attorney responds "Certainly. Three questions, 200 bucks." The man asks "Isn't that expensive?" The attorney replies "Yes, I believe it is. What is your third question?"
For the Economists in the crowd
A project manager requires that a new position be filled on his team. He wants a math person. Today for interviews, he has scheduled a mathematician, a statistician and an economist.
The mathematician is the first to interview. He sits down with the PM and has a great conversation. At the end of the interview, the PM states "This position requires a great deal of math. Please respond without hesitation to the following question. What is the sum of 2 + 2?" The mathematician immediately smiles and blurts out "Four". The PM writes the answer down and thanks the mathematician.
The statistician is the next to interview. She sits down and proceeds to amaze the PM with her knowledge. Once again, at the end of the interview, the PM states "This position requires a great deal of math. Please respond without hesitation to the following question. What is the sum of 2 + 2?" The statistician jumps out of her chair and responds "That sir is simply 4 plus or minus one sigma". The PM writes the answer down and thanks her.
Finally, the economist is invited in. He sits down and proceeds to talk on and on throughout the interview. The PM is awestruck and feels he may have his decision. Once again, at the end of the interview, the PM states "This position requires a great deal of math. Please respond without hesitation to the following question. What is the sum of 2 + 2?" The economist stands, moves to the door, locks the door, closes the blinds on the door, moves to the windows and proceeds to close the windows and the window shades for each panel. He proceeds to look around the room searching for any other party that may be listening and when convinced there are none present, walks to the PM's desk, places both hands firmly on the desk, leans over and whispers "What would you like it to equal?"
A surgeon's best patient
Four surgeons are sitting at a bar discussing work. The topic of conversation is favorite types of patients.
The first surgeon proclaims "I love operating on librarians. When you open them up, everything is in alphabetical order." Everyone at the table laughs.
The second surgeon, not to be outdone says "My favorite patients are accountants. When you perform your procedure, everything inside seems to be organized numerically. What could be easier?"
The third surgeon blurts out "That's nothing. Engineers are the most easy-going of patients. You open 'em up, do your surgery, close 'em and go. If there are any extra parts left from the procedure, the patient doesn't mind." More laughter from the group.
Everyone at the table patiently (no pun intended) waits for the final surgeon to speak. He hesitates. The other surgeons press him on the issue. Finally, he states "My favorite, absolute most interesting patients are attorneys."
Everyone at the table goes silent. Surgeon one chimes in "I hate attorneys." Everyone agrees that doctors and lawyers don't get along and demand surgeon four explain.
"It's simple." he explains. "When you open them up, you find that they are spineless, gutless and heartless. And their heads and butts are interchangeable."
No hints on this punchline
A man is walking down a country road in Scotland and comes across a shepherd with a sizable flock. The man stops and carries on a conversation with the shepherd for some time. Suddenly, the man decides to make a wager with the shepherd. The man states "Kind sir. You have a large and wonderful flock. I truly enjoy your conversation, but I'm wondering if you'd care to make a wager with me."
The shepherd responds "I am intrigued. Please go on."
The man states "In my profession, a great deal of mathematics is required. Many of the things that I study require me to estimate groups of things. Your flock is large. I believe that I can estimate its head count. In fact, I'll wager that I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock."
The shepherd looks around, knowing full well the number of sheep he has in the flock and in looking at the man, finds him competent, but not likely to answer correctly. The shepherd confidently states "Name your price."
The man replies "I get to keep one of your sheep if I win and I will pay you 100 pounds if I'm incorrect."
The shepherd instantly replies "Done." Easiest money I'll make from a stranger he thinks.
The man looks around and declares "937 sheep."
The shepherd's jaw drops in disbelief. "You are correct and I am a man of my word. I will make good on my end of the bargain. Please choose any sheep." declares the shepherd. In his heart, he hopes that the man does not take the best wool in the flock.
The man chooses a sheep. He lifts it up and carrying it under his arm, thanks the shepherd. Upon his selection of the sheep, the shepherd decides that something is wrong and that he could truly make money from another wager. The shepherd yells "Hold on there, sir. I'd like to double the stakes and wager that I can guess your occupation. That is, I'll give you another sheep if you win. But I get 200 pounds if I win."
The man glances down at the sheep under his arm, looks at the shepherd, looks back at the sheep and then gives the shepherd the same confident look that the shepherd had given him moments before. "Deal." says the man.
"You are a ummm, .................................. an analyst ................................. ummm, working for a government think-tank in the United States." states the shepherd.
The man's jaw drops. "How did you know that?" he questions.
The shepherd smiles and states "Put down my dog and I'll tell you."